WE Are Our Problem

in my opinion, to fully blame an inanimate object- that does nothing unless operated- is a hard argument.

yes, access to these objects should be regulated- absolutely. and tools that cause mass harm quickly need not be available to just anyone (or, ideally, at all).

but, in my opinion, the true fact of the matter is that we, as humans, are our fault, our problem, and the reason we have to have laws.

sure, there are some people who are born wired in a way that we won’t understand, and who perhaps need the law to guide them and prevent them from doing worse than perhaps they even know they’re capable of, but if there’s one thing that i see as a common dominator in the background of any killers or those who commit crimes is that they’re broken individuals.

they’re usually people who live through sexual, mental, and physical abuse, or consistent bullying and harassment with no resource (or willingness) to cope, heal, love or understand that they are worth more; that they have a reason for being here and it’s not just to be their abuser’s abused.

not every abused person turns into a serial killer or murderer – and that proves that it’s possible to have a different outcome.

how we change? i’m not sure. but i am dreadfully fearful of the society we are.

we are avoiding contact, conflict, and engagement – because we can’t trust anyone anymore

even businesses are automating with machines and putting the onus back on the customer so that the business isn’t responsible for mistakes anymore

each person is a margin of error, and it’s getting harder to find the genuine people who enjoy life and support the community around them

use the tools we have at our hands to learn, engage positively, encourage, or even – just stay f**king silent.
“if you don’t have anything nice to say…”

if you’re someone who couldn’t even fathom using something as a weapon, fight for regulation because of those that would.

if you’re someone who is seeking a weapon, you will find it. you will use whatever you can to achieve the goal you set out to achieve.

I don’t belong

It’s something I’ve always known. Something I’ve been fighting forever.

It fuels my anxiety, my insecurities, and my daily decisions.

But not anymore. This is an admission of how I understand my role in this world. How I know that I don’t fit. And it’s okay.

In fact, it’s more than okay.

I don’t have to worry about trying to fit into anyone else’s mold or expectation. I don’t have to fake enjoying something I truly don’t in order to appease anyone, anymore.

Every day that we’re lucky enough to wake up, we’re assigned to labels and time restraints; expectations and standards. The deepest depressions I’ve felt in my life is when I feel like I’ve failed or not lived up to these labels, expectations or standards; when I’ve been told I’m not normal or that what I do or have done is unusual.

My experiences have allowed me to have a perspective of what can, does, and usually should happen. I try my hardest to assist those around me who haven’t experienced it themselves, but that’s where another problem lies. I can’t. You have to let people burn in order for them to feel the heat. Not every time, but a lot of the time.

The fact of the matter is this: I will be fine. I’ve had to return bottles to get cash for gas to get to work. I’ve been in default on several debts. I’ve had my car repossessed. I’ve gone weeks with literally zero income.

And, I’ve gotten out of it. I’ve learned. It’s not overnight, but I’m trying. And that’s all I can do.  That’s all any of us can do.

You cannot judge anyone else for what it is that they’re going through, and what is important for them. It’s a phase that they have to experience and learn.

You can help or hurt, and that’s up to you, but why anyone would choose hurt is beyond me.

Keep standing out. Don’t fit in; don’t change your shape.

 

 

 

 

 

“Purpose” is Relative

Something to consider when you’re down and out about how your life isn’t exactly what you want it to be in all facets: purpose is relative. Unfortunately, some of us take other people’s unsolicited advice and assumed expectations of us and beat ourselves up with them, and consistently battle that idea of perfection in life.

I believe people are put on this earth for a reason. When looking back on anyone’s life, there is rarely a person who has excelled at every single element of life: career, family, health, whatever else. Sure, we can all paint a facade and we can make things seem a certain way, but I’m sure the truth of uncertainty and insecurity of a person will be revealed at some point.

The purpose you serve is more or less up to you (depending on your level of faith). And, your purpose can change and evolve. It can take on different versions of itself or shift away so that you can focus on a new purpose.

Those that are born with the innate ability and drive to start, care for and support a family, for example, should be the ones to do so. This doesn’t mean that people without that drive shouldn’t, but as someone listening to and loving a person who feels their purpose is best used towards cultivating the new phase of humans, you have no better choice than to respect it.

There are some that are born with a drive to contribute economically, creatively, artistically, or any combination of those or others, and perhaps relationships and creating life aren’t a forefront of their intention. This doesn’t mean that they won’t ever do so, but that their approach will be a lot different than the people who focus their life on working what they need to for their family.

We could go into an exhaustive back and forth about the intricacies of supporting a family versus supporting oneself, but that’s not my point, and these two items are purely examples.

My point is you need to sit back and listen to what makes sense to you. Your heart, your soul, your ethic.

Does focusing on a career where your weaknesses are challenged and you’re overcoming obstacles and learning new things appeal to you? Do it.

Does focusing on creating and cultivating a new generation of loving and functioning members of society light you up? Then do it.

How about focusing on experiencing new places, learning new things, and creating original content in the hopes that someone out there can benefit and be motivated by you? Go.

There’s no wrong answer except that you cannot broadly accept purpose to be a little of everything- that’s where you’re going to find yourself in conflict.

When you involve anyone else into your intentions, you have to allow for that “margin of error” to exist – you can’t control how other people feel or interpret their own goals against yours. This is why it’s also extremely important to clearly communicate your intentions and purpose with the people you involve in yours. Be careful not to lay responsibility or expectation on them, as you have absolutely zero control over their trajectory. You may be lucky enough to share a parallel with someone who understands what you’re aiming for- but don’t expect it.

 

must read: https://hbr.org/topic/managing-yourself

 

 

Life After Identity Theft

Back in October of 2018, someone hacked into my accounts.

Facebook, Airbnb, PayPal, Bank accounts (including accounts connected with mine)

Sure, we caught it.

Sure- it seems I wouldn’t have to do much but be inconvenienced with closing and re-opening accounts and changing passwords. I didn’t have much money to begin with so I didn’t “lose” any of that.

What I didn’t expect is the extreme hesitation and anxiety I now have surrounding every digital interaction I have. It’s this day and age’s being robbed, or house being broken into – all your personal things are compromised and it feels like there’s an ever present ominous unwelcomed guest lurking in every (digital) space.

Whoever this hacker was messaged men on my facebook page, telling them I’d perform oral for money, and sent money requests through facebook messenger to anyone who engaged in the conversation and considered it.

Did the hacker know my address? What would happen if some creep actually paid the money? Would they show up at my house? Why did they choose these specific people to message?  What can I say now to make these people understand that it wasn’t me? 

They also “ignored” – sent the message to a different inbox- my group text with my family, and basically shut them up when the hacker read a message from my sister who said something seemed off about my account…

Great, now the hacker has access to the small group of my closest humans. Potentially could click on their profiles and target them too. 

Then, they scheduled ads to run through my sister’s facebook page with a hack link. Set a $2million dollar ad budget and hit my account every 15 minutes to get up to that $2million.

Oh my god, I hope that none of my sister’s followers or friends clicked on that link, and that her name or reputation isn’t compromised. 

Paypal was next, as it was linked to my bank account, they went into my airbnb and scheduled a trip. It was when I got a notification that in order to finalize my trip, I had to add a phone number that I knew something was up. I immediately went into airbnb and closed my account, but it was too late. They already scheduled a pending transaction to pay airbnb, which put my already under account more under.

All in all, I ended up having to:

  • close my bank accounts at my current institution completely; file a fraud case
  • close paypal; file a fraud case
  • contact facebook; file a fraud – which is more difficult than we think. there’s no “customer service” and by the time they got the alert, I had already re-secured and changed my password numerous times. But, I still have the “fraud” badge when it comes to being able to do certain things online (i.e. facebook ads, and other integrations)
  • close my airbnb; file a fraud

This then forced me to have to re-calibrate all of my finances, my bill pay, my automatic withdrawals, my student loans- everything that has or is connected to my banks or facebook.

But now, I don’t even know what my passwords are for anything because I’ve changed them so much.

I don’t know what subscriptions may have triggered the hacking, if that’s what it was.

I don’t feel comfortable using my forms of payment through my new bank as I fear fraud.

I don’t like using otherwise convenient syncing and password saving, which adds a whole new level of difficulty to my every day life. I can’t “just log in” to anything from anywhere anymore. I’ve changed my passwords so much I’m pretty sure I’m making up numbers and letters that make no sense.

As I’m concluding this, I’m realizing it’s more of a rant than an actual blog. I have no call to action. I am mainly just talking to talk, I guess.

Just- be careful out there in the interwebs.

 

 

 

 

WHY WORDS ARE IMPORTANT

I am generally seen as a ball buster when it comes to people not using the correct words or form of. I’d like to explain myself.

HOW THE $%^& ELSE AM I SUPPOSED TO KNOW WHAT YOU MEAN

  • It’s funny to me when people blurt out or type out something “close to” what they meant. “You know what I mean” – HOW ABOUT NO. I DON’T KNOW WHAT YOU MEAN. Which is why we rely on WORDS to help others understand- make them real and meaningful. Take context into consideration. If someone misinterprets you, UNDERSTAND HOW THAT COULD HAPPEN and apologize- you shouldn’t be offended if you truly didn’t mean it to be that way- then provide calm clarity.

ARTIFICIAL INTELLIGENCE WILL LEAVE THOSE WHO CANNOT COMMUNICATE EFFICIENTLY BEHIND

  • Let’s be honest- AI is already infiltrating our lives. Those videos of children and grandparents asking Alexa things that she doesn’t understand – those are REAL. If you aren’t asking the right questions with the right words, you will not get the RIGHT ANSWERS. Intelligence doesn’t mean they can read your mind.

YOU DON’T HAVE TO HAVE A MASTERS IN ENGLISH

  • Basic communication doesn’t mean it has to be grammatically correct, or even with the right punctuation (although, important in some cases).

TEXTING, EMAIL AND THE GIFT OF PROOFREADING

  • A lot of people bash on the fact that talking on the phone is “old school” and “doesn’t happen anymore.” This is actually a good thing! So, instead of REACTING to something, or using words that you’re not sure if they’re the right ones in that moment, you have time to THINK, RESPOND, and PROOFREAD. Actually give thought to what you’re about to let someone else read and think “how could this be interpreted? Maybe I should clarify some things, or change that word.”

THEN WHY SAY IT

  • Literally zero reason to say anything that you don’t mean or you know to not be true. Literally. Zero. 

READ MORE (GOOD STUFF)

  • You’re already doing it. Keep on. Find some people that when you listen to them or read their words, you understand. And keep listening or reading. You’ll end up able to communicate like them. I promise.

 

 

 

 

WHY I LOVE POWERLIFTING

In keeping with the theme of this weekend (my second powerlifting meet ever tomorrow), here are my thoughts on the sport and why I am in love with it.

YOUR BIGGEST COMPETITION IS YOURSELF

  • A lot of people don’t really understand what a powerlifting meet (or powerlifting in general) entails, nor would I expect anyone to- I barely knew even while I was going through it, and I’m still learning. The conclusions I’ve made about it is this: we are all people who have decided discipline and preparation have been a priority in our lives in the past several weeks/months. We believe in ourselves and want to encourage others who are on the same path. We break personal records more than state or national, although definitely wouldn’t mind if that was the case. There is something about proving it to a group of people that really pushes you.
    • this isn’t to say there aren’t rules, in fact there are a lot. and standards you need to hit in order to make it count. gotta have some structure 😉

IT COMES DOWN TO A TOTAL OF 9 REPS, ALL DAY

  • Generally, powerlifting isn’t about several reps of anything, but truly it all comes down to one day and only 9 reps. You “open” with a weight that you think it’s an easier one, and you build your confidence. Your second “attempt” is one you think is more of a “yeah, I could probably get this weight.” If you don’t get it, then you can try it again. If you did get it, you move on to your last weight- the one you’re aiming for. The one you weren’t sure if you could get or not. This is the one.

YOUR EMOTIONS AND MENTAL STATE ARE TESTED

  • “Exercise makes you happy!” Totally, totally, totally. Except, for when you’re 6 weeks into have another several weeks of 2 hour sessions five days a week and you’re exhausted. Maybe physically, maybe mentally, maybe both. But you continue on. You pass your own test. You put mind over matter and default to your newfound determination; not easily, but you do it. I can’t tell you how many times my head fought with itself, in which I learned a lot about what I’m actually capable of.
  • When you’re actually in the moment, this is when your mental state needs to just stop. You have to trust yourself that you did everything that you could to prepare your BODY for this moment, because if you didn’t, IT SHOWS

WEAKNESSES SHOW

  • It is in those few seconds of strength we are physically tested. The times you went down in weight, the times you didn’t do 15 reps and did 12 instead, did 3 sets instead of four- they all come out in those few seconds. The muscles you have been working on now have to show up in a big way.

I had a laundry list of “wrong” when I came out of my first meet: i had the wrong belt (I had to squat beltless), I need something more than BANG BCAA’s and protein bars to get me through the long day, I have to create a warm up routine and make it tailored to how my muscles and joints feel (which means I have to silence my head and truly listen to them), I have to look at every other person as their own set of rules and pains and strengths and cannot even try to compare anything I’m doing to what they’re doing, I can’t skip core day (ugh), I have to block out my surrounding and JUST DO IT.

I failed on two of my 9 lifts. That generally isn’t bad but it didn’t feel good. One was because I moved my foot at the top of the lift, and one was because I just didn’t even get it up off my chest. And I know what was going on in my head at both of those moments really were to blame.  I beat myself up over that for weeks. And still am holding on to it. Not a focus of my mental state but it’s lingering, comes out from time to time.

The day after my first meet I was an emotional and mental wreck. Maybe it was the 3.5 hours to get there and then 3.5 hours home that drained me, maybe it was everything altogether, but the day after I felt like I failed myself and I didn’t like that whatsoever. Two days after that I signed up for this meet I’ve got tomorrow.

Why? I’m not sure. I think I could prove to myself that I have learned and I am going to fix my faults. Know when to up the weight, know when to wait for the command, know when to push past when I wanted to quit. But more importantly, know that this is all for me. What I’ve learned in lifting applies directly to every aspect of my life.

You want a career that you love? Then you need to build the foundations in preparation of that career.

You want a successful relationship? Every day, you need to work a little towards making it that way.

You want a successful business? You need to build your brand’s muscles.

Incremental growth means a steel-like foundation and shorter recovery time.

There are off days- doesn’t mean they aren’t productive days though. I’d like to refer to them as “breathers” or “big picture days,” when you listen to the silence and adjust your path based on your gut and the trajectory of current projects.

Nutrition: Unico Nutrition | Meals by DeLeo Clothing: Fitsmo | Nicepipes Apparel

Driving with John Lithgow  

I recently completed production work on a feature film starring a few known (or should be known) actors. Here are the stories of my time with them in lieu of pictures or autographs.

From the get-go, John and I hit it off. I don’t think this was a exclusive situation either, as he was one of the most genuine, down to earth people I’ve ever met. He felt like a grandfather to me, which made me reminsice of my own.

First time I brought John back to his hotel, we had been shooting in a BBQ joint near the production office. While I was waiting for him in the car, I realize he may not have known who I was or that I was waiting, so I went inside the location to find him.

His tall stature was not hard to miss as I looked down the first hallway I found. He had a brown bag in his right hand, and asked if I’ve seen his driver. “That’s me!” I responded. He asked my name and followed me to the van.

While on the ride home, he asked me if I was a local. I informed him that I am such a serious local that I have our city’s symbol tattooed on my leg. We talked about how Rochester had adopted him as a prodigal son of sorts, calling him a native and reporting of his temporary residency in the area for the film.

John explained he was born here, and lived here only for a year and a half, but is so flattered by the attention and love shown to him. He asked who were the known people out of Rochester, we spoke briefly of Philip Seymour Hoffman, and Kristen Wiig. He told me that his mother was from here; telling stories of her privileged life including “getting drunk and breaking into the Eastman house grounds.” His son lives in Buffalo, and he explained he had been to upstate probably 4 times in the past several years, one of those times being a one man show he performed at Eastman.

We spoke of his cancer diagnosis, as well as his marriages and love for his current wife. I mentioned some facts of my life, including that my father makes artisan pens. I had one on me, on the off chance that the conversation organically came to it, which it did. Handing him the one I had, I told him he was welcomed to keep it. “You shouldn’t be so generous!” He kept exclaiming. I told him there’s more from where that came from if he’d have them. He said he’d take whatever pen I’d give him, but that my generosity is not an expectation.

Pulling up to the hotel he says, “Oh! We are here already?” And thanks me for the ride, conversation, and gift. He tells me he’s going to have a night cap with the whiskey that was in that paper bag and call it a night. “Thanks and good night, Christina!” He says.

The next day, I wasn’t the one to pick him up, but the production assistant that did told me he was raving about me and the pen that I gave him (which he had carried with him). A PA stated that she learned more about me from John talking about me than from me thus far!

——

Second time I drove him home, it was very late. Getting in the van, we speak briefly about how his day went and some random small talk. I helped him IMDB a person on set, but followed shortly with “Christina, I need to close my eyes.”

Keeping the radio on classical music, John immediately fell asleep. As we drove up to the hotel, I grabbed his leg and said, “hey, John, we’re here. I’d offer to carry you up to your room but I’m afraid of how that would look.” He chuckled and got himself awake enough to get himself out of the car and into his room.

“Christina, will you do something for me?” He asked.

“What’s that?”

“Christina, get some rest. Goodnight.” And he shut the door and headed to his room.

————–

I was given the task to pack John’s things from his current hotel and move him to a new one. This was one of my favorite tasks, mainly because I am always excited and proud of my ability to be thoughtful and create a home-like feel.
While packing his belongings, I came across a hanger that was obviously from a bride- the room must’ve been used as a bridal party ready-room the previous weekend. Since I was focused on simply re-creating his current room in the new hotel, I decided that the bride hanger must come with. I wanted to see if he would say anything about it…..

———-

The next time I saw John, he and I had a solid hour-long drive from set to hotel. “So, how’d you do?” quickly turned into the way I would address him whenever he got in the car. He would always give me a summation of his day, and we would continue on conversation. This ride home, John asked me for restaurant recommendations for dinner. I told him I had made a recommendation link with places in the area he must go to.

I pulled up the link on my phone and handed it to him, then he went down the list for me to give him a one-sentence description off which he decided on one.

He called and made a reservation, for one. How freaking classy is that.

We also spoke of his current lead role in a Netflix series, his opinion of a few actors he has worked with, and would periodically interrupt our conversations to point out places of interest that we were driving through.

When we got closer to the strathallan and I decided to ask if he “noticed anything that followed him to the strathallan,” referring to the hanger. He thought a minute. Then another minute. Said “don’t tell me.” Then asked what it was. I explained the traveling bridal hanger and he laughed. That made my night.

…………

-driving John from set to airport for the Emmy’s

-emmy celebration (cake, glass, pen)

-john and Derek drive 1 (spirited convo)

-john and Derek drive 2 (praises and industry talk)

THIS SOUNDS LIKE A “YOU” PROBLEM: Trump (part I)

this isn’t about if you support trump or not. because at the end of the day, you need to be supporting america. and if someone is dividing us to the point where a simple mention of his name, a picture of his face causes an uproar of defense, then this isn’t about politics anymore.
 
this sounds like a YOU problem.
 
  • YOU should have learned empathy, respect, dignity, and caution when speaking on things you haven’t experienced
  • YOU have the right to an opinion, and if it’s used to foment further division in our country, that’s a you problem
  • YOU deserve any pushback or reaction you get, although i hope most people are smart enough to not engage with you any further
  • YOU should know, that if you truly believe and stand behind someone, it does not necessarily mean you have to agree with everything they say or do
  • in fact, a true supporter will admit when things don’t line up or sound true

a true supporter will put the broader purpose above the person; america over the person who is president.

 
either educate yourselves and take action where it counts (voting, calling your government officials), or shut the @#!$ up. mudding up the waters with your unverified, extreme obsession with Donald Trump as a person and not as a leader of this country who should be held to certain, extraordinary standards does not support America.

Living with Effect

Living deep in the effect of a series of “cause-and-effects”

There are few occasions that I find people that truly don’t “get” me. It’s fine, I have no problem with not being understood by everyone. In fact, I don’t even understand myself half the time.

 

I am constantly living in EFFECT of “cause and effect”- I’ve had a lot of experiences in different industries, and have lived through a lot of situations, the likes of which not many other people have. From customer service nightmares, to petty corporate executive politics, there’s a lot of drama and cause and effects which are exclusive to industries and can’t be understood unless experienced first hand- not unlike trying to explain how a trip went without getting there first.

 

Specific examples:

 

Retail: the cause and effect of marketing material, wording, products, recalls, attitude, verbiage, staffing, angles, tone, placement, payment/product/customer service loopholes, information, how to approach, how not to approach, making promises, what consumers remember, what consumers request, how to best respond in a negative situation, there are those who cheat the system as a hobby

 

Corporate: how higher executives treat themselves trickle into their corporation; the personal agenda of management is generally stronger than the company’s; the atmosphere that is available between 8am-6pm includes a specific type of people, and many are okay with and settled for the hourly/daily monotony

 

Restaurant: customers are more often than not entitled- as the “being served” concept is what they came for, kindness and ingenuity is rare and highly appreciated (for both worker and customers)

 

Film production: you ain’t sh!t, no one cares who you are (even if they ask), if you’re not producing results, get out of the way; egos are reserved and expected of the ones with the one-word titles and talent, the more resourceful you are, the more you’ll be asked to be a resource; the connections you make are what lead you to the next thing; less talking, more doing; hurry up and wait

 

Freelance: you can refuse jobs; always know your worth; disconnect emotionally from money; consistently work to earn and gain trust, but once trust is lost, you might as well leave (both client and contractor); a bad day or week doesn’t indicate a bad next day or week; be productive no matter what

 

Time isn’t “yesterday, last year, two weeks ago” to me- it’s “the last lesson I learned” or “the last time i was really affected”

 

My brain ticks when there’s a phrase or situation that means something to me. As I’ve grown up, these have changed in definition. I’ve had anxiety all the way down to going through a drive thru for fear that people would judge me for eating fast food. Having experienced WORST of situations and drawing from a bank of “I’ve been here before’s,” more often than not my head goes into six different avenues with each request, thought, or new idea.

 

When it comes to relationships, I am probably the least skilled. This is mainly because I am pre-occupied with securing others’ success that I overlook myself, in basic terms. Sure, I’ll spoil myself here and there, buying something I don’t need or getting some sort of service in an attempt to keep maintenance this physical thing I inhibit, but i am a chronic giver.

 

It’s because I have found that I get the most joy through bringing it to others. At least, my soul feels that way. My body, my heart, and my useless emotions keep trying to pull me in other directions, telling me that I need to take more and give less- it’s an endless battle. And I don’t think there’s going to be an end to it.

 

I think very hard about what I want to say, and how I want to articulate myself. Although I know I can’t guarantee it’ll be taken in the way I intended, (or even come out the way I wanted) I have to respect that everyone wears a different pair of glasses. And if someone is affected in the slightest positive way, then I’m good. Or even if it’s a negative – perhaps I’ve given a new perspective.

 

This is another point about who I am that makes me difficult to understand – I’ve said “yes” so many times growing up that I’ve had no choice but to either let someone down and appear as a liar, or spread myself too thin, and put myself in positions that I don’t want to be in, JUST because I didn’t want to be faced with the moment of awkwardness the answer “no” may bring.

 

In my 30’s, I’m learning that not everyone is entitled to my time, not everyone is entitled to my attention, and vice versa – I’m not entitled to anyone’s time or attention. So when I say I’m going to do something, I have to mean it. And if I don’t, I become disappointed in myself.

WHY YOU SHOULDN’T ASK FOR THE SALE

We are all smarter than this by now, at least so I’d like to think.

I have had a ton of random experience in many different industries, 95% of which dealt with messaging, communicating, interacting, and selling to the “general” public. There were a few common themes and observations I’d like to share, both on the “salesperson” and consumer point of view.

NO ONE WANTS TO BE SOLD TO

  • Now more than ever, when it’s 1000x easier to spend your money, people are opting for online, or hassle-free spending/purchasing and pick up. Why? Because it’s easier. You don’t have someone pushing stuff on you because they need to hit certain numbers, or someone talking your ear off for the first 5 minutes you walk into a store, or signing you up for a credit card that you’ll end up paying off for 8 years. There are automated check out counters popping up everywhere- making it even easier to make your shopping experience as human-less as possible – for a reason. We’re all tired of the pitches, upsells, and scripts.

YEAH, BUT YOU’RE WRONG

  • We are in the digital information gathering age. If I fed scripted lines given to me by corporate used to instill fear in my customer – “if you don’t get this, then THIS happens” or “you can’t get that without THIS” – 85% of those transactions came back to me as returns. I lost money in the end. I may have made my number for the day it was sold, but I had to give it right back within 30 days. The people who I spoke to as fellow humans, offered similar and real solutions and alternatives (EVEN IF IT WASN’T MY BRAND OR PRODUCT) turned into a network of great people. I had people coming into my store because they trusted me and my opinion, and they brought more people to me for the same reason. I gained them as customers because it was only natural, and their purchases became regular and my return rate plummeted. If you lie, or exaggerate, and they can find that out- then you’ve lost that customer for life: no one likes to feel lied to or taken advantage of.

HOW ABOUT NO

  • What do you do when you feel unsure about something? Do you decide to go all in anyways? I hope not. And this is what “sales” people need to understand- your job is to instill confidence, listen, respond appropriately, and educate your customer so they are the ones who say “You know what, I want to get this. This is what I need.” They want to know that THEY’RE deciding to purchase on THEIR terms, not because you asked them for it. My rule of thumb is if you have to ask – the answer will most likely be NO (or a yes, that later turns into a no).

IF YOUR PRODUCT OR SERVICE IS GOOD, YOU WON’T HAVE TO “SELL IT”

  • This is a luxury these days, believe it or not, to actually have a product or service of quality. Be wary of those who overcompensate for lack of quality by lowering prices (you pay for what you get), attacking their competition (why can’t we all just get along?), or hammering a message home with you that is not a direct reflection of their product or service.

OH MY GOD- A HUMAN.

  • If your business sees an actual body, a living breathing person, you have to know that they DECIDED your business was WORTH the effort to show up. You cannot be anything but grateful for them, and assist them at all costs.

THE EXCEPTIONS

  • There are exceptions to everything, and here are a few anomalies I witnessed:
    • People who are used to the sale, love the pitch – you’ll recognize them if you’re a good listener. They’re the ones who ask guiding questions, making your “pitch” natural and successful
    • Deception can happen on either side – business or consumer. Not all customers are honest, not all of them are good at saying no. I would have people who seemingly had the time of their lives shopping with one of my employees, spend a decent amount, and then strategically come back on a day they knew that particular employee wasn’t there and return their purchase. Nothing against the business, nothing against the employee, but the person felt for whatever reason their purchase wasn’t justified or made with proper thought.
    • Some people make cheating the system a sport. This is why being genuine when you represent your brand is so important. If you’re lying, they’ll challenge it, find it, and get their way because you didn’t stand for your brand or product.
    • I’ve even had people who I loved speaking to and interacting with, who then went home and took a fraction of something I said and wrote it into my business or company as a negative experience. Ugh.